| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2009|02:29 pm] |
I'm in Portland right now but I have too much homework to do to really think about seeing all of the people and going to all of the places I've missed. Luckily my favourite pasttime in Portland has always been going to coffeeshops to read, so this trip is going to be a coffeeshop hopping vacation.
Homework:
Essay in German History (this shit is worth 30% of my grade and is due monday)
Read first and second act in "Der Besuch der Alten Dame" (omg taking FOREVER)
Write first draft about third genders in Native America (past due, but you still need to get a first draft done)
"small assignment" with "rain of gold" |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2009|05:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Lothlorien | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Simon and Garfunkle | ] |
Yay! First round of midterms at uc Berkeley is OVER!!!
I got 40% on the first one. It's the most bullshit class I've ever taken, and people who did well agree. Why are people getting marked down for mispellings of Aztec gods, which happen to be arbitrary information regarding the course material anyways?
HOWEVER...I feel ok about my History midterm. I'm not satisfied with the first portion of it, but for the essay portion, I learned something new about myself. Apparently I'm quite convinced that we need to look at Nazism through the framework of a political religion to understand it. That's not something I ever thought I'd have a strong opinion about. I suppose this means that I'm actually learning! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2009|10:03 pm] |
I want to die. There's just too much to do tonight to get to sleep.
(actually theres a whole lot more, this is just the bare minimum, I won't even be caught up)
German 3
Vokabliste
Begungsliste
Arbeitsbuch K3
s. 98-105 im Buch lesen
History 167C
reading response
Linguistics 155AC
research paper proposal
read through ch 3 of "Love Medicine"
read assigned portions of Lakoff reading
Skim the Weagel article
I want to die. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2009|07:41 pm] |
I'm becoming all to familiar with the sensation on of being on the brink of major life changes. It was just over 8 months ago I was also about to move to a city hundreds of miles away to embark on a completely different lifestyle.
And here I am again.
Though the dynamics may be different, its still the same existential crisis. This time its more academic and less quixotic.
I found a place in Berkeley. I'm pretty stoked on it. Super central location, nice quiet household with a chill (yes, i've given into that adjective) middle aged woman and a studious-looking Cal senior, who ahead of me in German. I have my own balcony that's really big which I LOVE. |
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| A quick check-in on my current musical preferences |
[Jul. 23rd, 2009|02:08 am] |
I never thought the day would come when I would be listening to America more and more. I'm finding they're one of those bands that just always works.
I've also been listening to early Cure a bunch, Simon and Garfunkle, The Smiths, early and late Beatles (not the acidy stuff like usual), and some soul music here and there. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|04:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
My little Beardy passed away yesterday. I'm completely devastated. It was too soon.
RIP Beardy
2006-2009 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2009|03:16 am] |
I hate paranoia. It's so hard to be in a healthy relationship after dishonesty. I wish unanswered phone calls didn't lead me to certain conclusions. I try to push them out of my head, but when I've done that in the past I've turned out to be wrong. I hate it so much. I just want to be indifferent.
I started to write this the other night but my computer crashed and then the internet wouldn't work afterwards...
Jetzt habe ich so langeweile. Ich räumte früher mein Zimmer und die Küche auf und wusch viele Wäsche. Ich schlafe seltsame Stunden so bin ich oft einsam. Heute ging ich ins Bett um acht uhr herum und wachte um vier uhr auf. Es ist nur halb drei und meine Stubenkameraden schlafen schon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|03:10 am] |
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I can't stand myself anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|03:02 am] |
Warum bin ich so deprimert? Was das fick??? (<--magst du das?)
PMS, glaube ich. Ich wünsche, dass er versteht.
Ich kann nicht warten für Berkley zu gehen. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|02:23 am] |
Er hat mich so schrecklich behandelt. Ich will ihn in mein Leben nicht. Freitag am Abend hat er mich das er liebt mich zugeflüstert wärhend wir uns lieben. (ist das richtig???)
fick ihn |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2009|11:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Portland, OR | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | traurig | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Joy Division | ] |
Ich solle jeden Tag auf Deutsch schreiben, weil ich nach Berkeley für Deutsch gehen werde. Das ist zu einfach!!! Wer würde mit mir auf Deutsch üben?
Jetzt bin ich mit gebrochenem Herz und will abgelenkt zu sein. Ich verstehe ihn nicht und kann nicht mit dem Problem umgehen.
Ich hasse so deprimert mich zu fülen.
Ist mein Deutsch richtig? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2009|11:10 pm] |
I want off this roller coaster.
Please don't whisper that you love me over and over in my ear and then ignore my calls the next day.
I can't tell if it's getting easier or harder. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2009|12:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
I feel incredibly optimistic right now for the first time. Rather than feel restricted, I feel set free. Kind of like eliminating a staple in your diet such as meat and discovering a whole new culinary world now that you aren't dependent on a certain ingredient.
I don't know if that makes sense to you carnivores, but that's how I'm going to verbalize it.
In any event, I'm feeling confident that my social life is emerging in portland and its with people who understand my goals. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
I wish I could turn time on fast-forward mode until when I'm walking onto campus for my first day of class at Cal. I can't emphasize enough how much I can't wait until I'm going there. I'm so ready to enter this next phase in my life/leave this phase. I'm not growing here.
Luckily they've given me plenty of forms and deadlines to worry about in the mean time. If I look at it as homework, it doesn't feel so bad. They're going to mail me a free copy of The Omnivore's Dilemma in the mail. I think I might start reading it before then.
Also, I need to pick up my paper journal again. It's been too long.
I'm in too much of a haze to recollect the day's events. I just need to be down in California, maybe even catching some Vitamin D.
I need a new summer romance. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2009|05:17 am] |
I'm listening to Sigur Rós and am genuinely enjoying it without any of the old associations it once had.
There's nothing I hate more than music being unenjoyable because of past experiences stealing it away from me. It's taken me four years to be able to just listen to this without any feelings attached.
Oh, and I got Joy Division back as well.
I worry that I might lose A Silver Mt. Zion forever. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2009|04:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
My life is spinning in circles right now. There's high highs, and low lows but little left in between.
Last night I spent a solid two hours cleaning my new bedroom, and I wondered why it is I don't enjoy solitude like I used to. I used to choose to be alone all the time. Now I've become extremely codependent that I either need to be with a certain someone or with someone else to fill the void. Once I came to this realization it occurred to me that the alone time was actually nice.
Also, this is Portland. I'm different here. I think I'm developing a split-personality.
Or maybe I don't see people like Kris enough to bring out a lot of whats inside of me. I can't express enough how incredible it was to talk with one of my best friends for hours straight like that. I know few people with whom I connect with like that where we can seamlessly transition from shoes to estranged parents to sex and then to school and and boyfriends and manic episodes as though they all hold equal weight.
I want to be Mica again, whoever that is. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2009|03:22 am] |
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Despite my good day, I still feel really sad right now. I think I really miss Davin. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2009|12:45 am] |
I'm back in Cali right now. I'll be around till wednesday. If I thought I was depressed and lonely in Portland, I forgot what Sonoma County is like. I'm already quite miserable here. I feel so isolated and I don't really feel at home here. This is the very first time I've come home as a visitor, and it doesn't feel natural at all. I'd rather be in Portland. I miss Davin. I was also really into my new housing situation and would much rather be with my new housemates than here. At least my kitty is here. He's so gorgeous.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to a reception at UC Berkeley. I wish I hadn't made this trip so long, especially since Davin and I already have tickets to come back later. I'll probably like it more with him.
At least when I lived here, I had my own space. Here I don't have movies or anything. I tried watching TV, and I haven't in 5 months, and I thought it was really boring. I even found sex and the city to be obnoxious and not politically correct. I don't want to watch a show about women complaining about their thighs.
Also, I fractured a rib. This sucks, and I don't see how I'll work for a while. It is very much adding to my unhappiness. Maybe I'm PMSing.
Anywho, I think people from back home need to hang out with me and remind me that it's not so bad here. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2009|03:51 am] |
I feel so remote from society in Portland. Times like this invalidate my familiarity with the scenery and remind me that I'm hundreds of miles away from anything I know. My heart is pounding out of my chest and the hysteria is coming in waves. I would do anything in the world for one friend to talk to me and bring me back down to reality, to remind me that it will be tomorrow soon, but I'm out here and anybody whose ever been there for me is too far away to hear me. I'm trapped. Portland is so suffocating. I would give so much just to have a familiar face listen. I've come to the conclusion that I'm really not this crazy but I've been falling down this rabbit hole for too long, but its nothing a good conversation wouldn't bring me out of. It's a horrible feeling to realize you have nobody and none of the faces you pass know or care. 4 am is a really lonely time to be awake. Even the telephone is useless at this hour. So here I am, its just me and this anxiety. I'm not stupid. I don't really think this is the end of the world...but I'm fucking trapped at the top of Oregon of all places and its lonely up here.
In the meantime, I need a boy to help me move...not to mention a truck. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2009|02:38 am] |
I'm single again.
I miss California. |
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